attackothetiff

Caroline4216 (8:18:12 PM): (and i think you should take the sex phone operator job, by the way)
tshaw08 (8:18:16 PM): name the night.
tshaw08 (8:18:18 PM): and i plan on it
Caroline4216 (8:18:27 PM): ohhh... tuesday?
tshaw08 (8:18:30 PM): i told peter that I'll take the sex phone job if:
tshaw08 (8:18:42 PM): I can pretend to be a Sweedish midget obsessed with peanut butter fantasies
Caroline4216 (8:18:49 PM): aren't you already?
tshaw08 (8:18:50 PM): and yes!! Tuesday is freakin' perfect
tshaw08 (8:18:52 PM): LOL
Caroline4216 (8:18:54 PM): goooood!
tshaw08 (8:19:23 PM): actually that's weird. cause i was thinkin' tuesday. but i got scared. I know how you are about Tuesdays
Caroline4216 (8:19:29 PM): meet somewhere in the middle, between upper marlboro (aka tootsie roll heaven) and glen burnie (aka hell on the halfshell)
Caroline4216 (8:19:38 PM): ??
tshaw08 (8:19:50 PM): you have terrible gas on tuesdays
Caroline4216 (8:19:59 PM): yea, well the gypsy liften my tuesday curse about a month ago, soo....
Caroline4216 (8:20:05 PM): indeed i do!
Caroline4216 (8:20:09 PM): lifted*
tshaw08 (8:20:47 PM): ahh liften
tshaw08 (8:20:51 PM): whatever happened to him?
Caroline4216 (8:20:59 PM): i named my firstborn liften
tshaw08 (8:21:06 PM): Liften LipGasser
tshaw08 (8:21:10 PM): such a gem
Caroline4216 (8:21:16 PM): miss him like the plague
tshaw08 (8:21:28 PM): what's between me and you? like, what city
tshaw08 (8:21:31 PM): i don't know geography
tshaw08 (8:21:35 PM): beer was my major in college
Caroline4216 (8:22:00 PM): well, assuming the atlantic is northwest... crofton? maybe? might be?
Caroline4216 (8:22:20 PM): beer major, chlymadia minor.
tshaw08 (8:22:28 PM): oooh yeah
tshaw08 (8:22:29 PM): good call
Caroline4216 (8:22:36 PM): is that right?
tshaw08 (8:22:42 PM): i dont' care
tshaw08 (8:22:43 PM): sure
tshaw08 (8:22:47 PM): i know how to get there
tshaw08 (8:22:51 PM): and they serve Sweedish midgets
Caroline4216 (8:23:17 PM): score.... yea, with a side of oatmeal. run to roll around on your tongue, betwixt your fangs.
Caroline4216 (8:23:25 PM): fun! not run!
Caroline4216 (8:23:36 PM): if only they taught typing in high school.
tshaw08 (8:24:05 PM): remember our typing teacher? Mr. Yuan? He like to look at our boobs when we typed asdf over and over again, our bosoms heaving
Caroline4216 (8:24:47 PM): haha, he did. and listen to our heavy typing breathing. turns out nikki forster got him fired for sexual harassment. and for bad chinaman tea breath.
tshaw08 (8:25:02 PM): awww but his sexual harassment was the best part of my day!
tshaw08 (8:25:07 PM): i felt pretty
Caroline4216 (8:25:19 PM): me too! totally upped my confidence. mustve gotten an A, too
Caroline4216 (8:25:22 PM): haha
Caroline4216 (8:25:37 PM): oh time, how you have matured our peers and left us unchanged.
tshaw08 (8:25:49 PM): god bless
Caroline4216 (8:26:47 PM): so lets see... it seems my cell-o-phone took a dive into a leaky waterbottle mess and... well... it was suicide... so i'm gonna need your numero again
tshaw08 (8:27:25 PM): 410.703.5718
tshaw08 (8:27:46 PM): oh, and bring that slutty friend of yours
tshaw08 (8:27:57 PM): the one that puts out after a glass of juice
Caroline4216 (8:28:24 PM): yea, she's easy. and thats why i keep her around
tshaw08 (8:28:34 PM): clearly. she's not too bright.
tshaw08 (8:28:43 PM): ok, so where?
Caroline4216 (8:28:46 PM): not hilarious in the slightest, either
Caroline4216 (8:29:04 PM): hmmm... well arent there alot of places in that new waugh chapel development?
tshaw08 (8:29:12 PM): probabl
tshaw08 (8:29:13 PM): y
Caroline4216 (8:29:28 PM): i'd assume so... places that serve people like you, atleast i hope so
Caroline4216 (8:30:01 PM): can we make tentative plans to meet... say... there, around... 8? and decide from there?
tshaw08 (8:30:32 PM): yup, that works. cause i get off at 5 and will have to come home and walk puppy and take off my "work" clothes and put on some patent leather pants
Caroline4216 (8:30:52 PM): oh, assless chaps kinda attire? got it.
tshaw08 (8:31:00 PM): it's gonna be that kind of night
Caroline4216 (8:31:10 PM): isnt it always with the three of us?
tshaw08 (8:31:15 PM): oh i hope so
tshaw08 (8:31:17 PM): it's been too long
Caroline4216 (8:31:29 PM): me too. *insert maniacal laugh here*
tshaw08 (8:31:38 PM): *reject maniacal laugh*
tshaw08 (8:31:45 PM): *insert pop tart*
Caroline4216 (8:31:54 PM): *appreciates attempt. enjoys delicious poptart*
tshaw08 (8:32:03 PM): ok, i gotta go tend to my garden of gnomes
tshaw08 (8:32:06 PM): see you Tuesday!
Caroline4216 (8:32:13 PM): can't wait!
Caroline4216 (8:32:18 PM): i'll start flossing now!

Today I laughed so hard I couldn't catch my breath and I snorted in front of co-workers. Now that is a good day.

When I was four my Mom ran a daycare out of our home. There were usually five or six extra kids in the house besides my brother and I. We'd run wild, chasing the cows on the farm and tearing through the cornfield that wrapped around our yard. Summers were the best. The swingset creaked and moaned as children scrambled over its monkey bars and down the hot, metal slide.

One day, in early summer, I was playing outside with a puddle full of worms from the storm the night before when I realized none of the other kids were outside anymore. I creeped up to the dining room window and peered in only to see them crowded around the table, elbow deep in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and apple slices. I watched them giggle and spill milk and wondered why no one had called me in.

My Mom will be out to get me soon.

I climbed the cherry tree outside of my bedroom window, careful to avoid the wasp nest, and felt the rough bark scratch my skin. I sat and looked out over the farm. It was midafternoon and it was hot. The thick leaves blocked out most of the sunlight but there was no breeze that high. I waited for what seemed like hours. No one came for me.

I knew what they were doing inside, laughing and having fun without me. They'd probably eaten cookies after lunch and gone down into the cool basement to play air hockey and watch cartoons. Later everyone would pile into the pool and still, I'd be sitting in that tree, watching it all.

They didn't even notice I was gone.

I climbed down the trunk and set my feet down on the soft grass. Quietly, slowly, I crept past the front door, down the sidewalk, and snuck into the garage. As I opened the door into the laundry room, all I heard was silence.

On the kitchen counter was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, cut diagonally and a note from Mom that read:

We missed you at lunch. Hope you had fun in the cherry tree. Come downstairs when you finish your sandwich.

Love, Mom

You know that Visa commercial where the guy is taking care of the zoo animals and he starts sneezing and then he has to come home because he got SARS or something?

I think that commercial has some very valuable insights. First of all, he was wearing a scarf while bathing an elephant. That tells you right there that elephants don't know how to use their trunk to strangle people. Who knew? Also, the monkey in that commercial really seemed concerned about face time on the camera. Now we know monkeys are vain. I always thought they were a giving primate...

But most importantly, at the end, when the elephant goes to the store (why no one questioned this is beyond me) and buys a blanket and cold medicine and brings it back to the man in the tiny house- we're left with a warm feeling. That elephant really loved that man. And maybe it's not yet legal for them to marry but someday they'll be more than just keeper and elephant. The real moral of that commercial is this:

Elephants are thieves. Did you not see how he stole that Visa card and just WALKED AWAY.

This is Garrett and I with Caroline- she's leaving in one week for seven months of intense Olympic training.She's a champion Kayaker. She'll be competing in the US World Championships in Brazil in September. And when she goes to Beijing in '08 I'll finally have learned how to say, "Where's the bathroom?" and "Thanks for the cheese" in Chinese.



Mikey and Caroline



The Wine Women



Allison, Jenn, Caroline & Me (at Guapos for the going away party)




Good Luck Caroline. We are SO proud of you and we love you. We'll see you in China!!

In the next few weeks/months I will be transitioning from this journal to an actual website. I'm enlisting the help of Garrett's brother since he is a super genius when it comes to all things computer. I'm going to do daily journal entries about life, work and all things fun and weird that happen. I'd also like to run some ads some I'm going to apply for Google AdSense and various other ads. So we'll see how that goes. Keep your eyes out for the new site and I'll keep you updated on the progress.

I'd like to preface this by saying: I am an animal lover. In my mind, the mistreatement of animals is a sin. The way someone treats animals is a huge indicator of the type of person they are inside.


"On April 25, authorities raided a house in Surry County, Va., owned by Vick and reportedly found -- among other things -- 66 dogs (most of which were pit bulls), a dog-fighting pit, bloodstained carpets and equipment commonly associated with dogfighting. Vick was not at the scene and denied knowledge of dogfighting at the property. To this point, no charges have been filed against him. But questions about Vick and his possible connection to dogfighting linger."
From ESPN.com

The allegations against Michael Vick are now well known. Almost everyone has heard the stories and read the news articles. It's disgusting. Here we have a multi-millionaire. A man who could do so much good with his money- and he's abusing animals for sport. It sickens me to a degree that I cannot even express. A "source" told ESPN that,"They shouldn't be really upset, OK?" he said. "Because it's only just an animal. It's just a dog that is raised up. He's put out there, you know, and he's chained up, OK. And the time he gets a certain age, this dog is going to want to fight. It is bred in him, OK? He knows what he is and he's going to fight. Just take him off the leash, let him go."

Where did these people get the sick, demented idea that this type of behavior is ok? My mind cannot even wrap around it. The thought of an innocent animal being led into a dogfighting ring makes me sick to my stomach.

I understand that animals are slaughtered on a daily basis for consumption by humans- but to me that is a different story. Those animals are not being pitted against each other in battle. No one is betting on which animal will die first or last. There is a grave difference between the two scenarios.

The evil that lurks in these people's hearts terrifies me. It is the same evil that causes child molesters to seek out prey, and rapists to wait in darkened alleys. There is something internally wrong with Michael Vick and all others who participate in dog fighting. They should all be brought to justice. He should be stripped of all his money and posessions. He should be locked up forever, in my opinion.

What do you think?

Today my little brother, Jeremiah, had an end of the school year party. It was a great day filled with 8 ten year olds, water balloons, silly string, and far too much ice cream cake. It was muddy and messy and so much fun. It's been years since I've been pegged square in the back with a cold, surprisingly unforgiving water balloon.

On top of this lovely day I am dealing with a case of nearly fatal (or not quite) poison ivy. Garrett brought up the fact that I probably got it when during their softball game I stepped two inches into the woods to get a foul ball. I can actually get poison ivy by simply thinking about it, or drawing a picture of it. So it's not surprising that after my little foray to the edge of the woods I now find myself covered in small red spots. Everywhere. Poison Ivy sucks.

But here's the thing.

It's not poison ivy. As a matter of fact. We don't know what it is. All I know is that it looks like chicken pox. It feels like chicken pox, and it has spread like chicken pox. But I've already had the pox. How can this be? Is it smallpox. According to Webmd.com I could be dying of some highly communicable disease. Crap. I'll keep you posted.

Today was a strange day in a few HUGE ways.

1. While Jeremiah and I were leaving my Mom's neighborhood to make a quick run to the store before the party...we witnessed a fatal car accident. It was devastating and tragic. There aren't even words. A car crossed the center line and ran headfirst into a tree. As we slowly made our way past the horiffic scene (others had stopped to help and the ambulance was only fractions of a second away) I pulled Jeremiahs eyes away from the scene and held him close. The girl in the passenger side was sitting upright. In complete shock. Covered head to toe in blood. The driver had been slammed, mercilessly, into the windshield and lay half in, half out of the car. It was so very real. It wasn't a car crash on tv. The car wasn't on fire. The people didn't stumble out and then a quick cut to commercial. It was utterly real. It was terrifying and I had to pull over a mile after we saw that and catch my breath, and look my little brother in the eye and promise him that I would take care of him. He was afraid and I wanted to shield him from that like nothing ever before. The Mama Bear in me came out. And she was fierce.

and now, #2, on a lighter note

2. I realized today (as I do nearly every day) that I am girlfriend to one very amazing man. Not only are his eyelashes longer than strands of spaghetti, but his hands can literally palm a basketball. I don't know what it is about this that I find so attractive. Maybe its the way his hands can also fit so gently around my waist or rest lightly on the back of my neck. There is such strength in those hands. Such power. And yet they are gentle enough to hold a sick puppy over our sink while he throws up for the third time in one morning. There's something lovely about a man like that. The power and the softer side. It's unnerving. It reminds me of the first time I saw him hold a can and thought, "My God he's going to crush that tiny aluminum can with those giant bear hands!" I can't say it enough, but I will always try. Thank you Garrett. For the nearly four and a half years that we've spent learning and loving. And this is where I must apologize, and why today was a a strange day. I was so mean to him this morning for NO REASON. Let me repeat myself men of the world, and take note: I, A WOMAN, NEARLY THE PICTURE OF PERFECTION IN EVERY WAY, WAS WRONG. I was a grouch to Garrett this morning. Oh it was awful. And I left him this morning feeling like a pile of steaming...well...you know. Let me make this very clear, that is one amazing man. I have mood swings like a teeter totter and he's always there to let me know that he still loves me. That he can approach every day with a laugh and a smile. He sleeps a full eight hours a night and admires himself in the mirror. He is kind and giving. Smart and loving. He is intelligent, and successful and treats our puppy like a prince. I love you always Garrett, my handsome protector. Thanks for putting up with my girliness and my bitchiness and all of the 'ness that makes me, me.


How was your day?

"Take one bite of this steak, and you can have one whole night where we do whatever you want."

I LUNGED FOR THAT STEAK LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT



So...what should I do with my night??!!

Now, I'm no super genius...but I'm pretty sure there used to be a 43" Plasma right about..yeah..there




"Camden, use your hound dog nose and find our tv!"





"OH MY GOODNESS!! What is THAT? Our tv mated with a larger, far superior tv!"




50 inch Plasma. Meet Garrett.